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About Varied / Hobbyist YūgenPhilippines Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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Statistics 823 Deviations 9,393 Comments 87,345 Pageviews


:iconda-commission-us: :iconych-auctions: :iconpainttoolsai: :iconthatoneadoptgroup:

Endless Apologies

I am not sure if I could start this with a 'hi' or a 'hello', because I think I no longer had to right to greet you so casually like that considering that I was gone for around 2-3 years with all these liabilities. Even so, I am truly grateful for everyone who have been so kind, understanding and patient with me even now.

More importantly, I know you guys might not accept any apologies from someone like me, but please know that there was never a day that I didn't think of how irresponsible I was becoming and had become, and I am deeply sorry for dragging you all guys down with me and disappointing all of you.

I would like to let you know that I recently got my laptop repaired, and though it's not flawless (it has never been) it is now working. Even so, for the last years that I was gone, I couldn't take art as seriously as before, in fact, just engaging myself with it just sends me deeper into my anxiety and self-hatred. I've tried to fight hard by creating some quick sketches but I just couldn't return to that zone. Even doodles at the side of my worksheets and notebooks has not existed in years. I sunk deeper and deeper into this as I pressure myself, and has called it quits. I decided that I would officially quit.

I honestly planned to update you guys much earlier, so many times I tried to do it but I could never muster up the courage. I get chills, and literally lose focus at work , get erratic palpitations and headaches, everytime I remember how much I've let you all guys down and for being gone without any word for all the money and commissions that I owe you.

I probably sound that I am just making excuses, but I am not asking you to completely forgive me (though that would be greatly appreciated) or accepting me or my 'excuses' as others might put it, because that's something I cannot force you to do. I just want to let you know everything that has happened. This is something that I know I owe you as well. 

This week, I was given all that push that I need to post this. I made a small breakthrough and actually finish an artwork (and I struggled with it more than I struggled with a more complicated piece before), I can say that I finally enjoyed drawing something once in these past few years. And though I don't think I can face everything with a hard face and a much harder resolve, I would really want to fix everything with all that I have, how little it may be.

I am really very sorry for making you read this, I am so sorry for disappointing you and doing these to you. You didn't and don't deserve these at all. I would whole-heartedly accept all words you would throw at me, be it of hatred or another. I am so truly sorry for everything.


I haven't read the notes yet, it still honestly makes me quiver in anxiety but I'll go through it little by little. I would just like to humbly ask for and greatly appreciate a bit more of your patience and considerations.

I hope you guys could give me a month or two. I am expecting to get my Christmas bonus, and I plan to use that money to refund all the money I owe you. I know I am in no position to be making this arrangement but that's the only way I can refund you the money. And I am completely aware that it was very irresponsible of me to have done all these to you. I would again like to deeply apologize for that.

To my dear commissioners that I owe sketches from, who would like to take the risk of trusting me again, and would like to pursue getting an art from me instead, I can offer you an upgrade from sketches to digital art. I cannot promise the style but I would try my hardest to give you a fully colored piece.

I would prefer to be contacted through my email at

To everyone, to my friends and trusts that I may have lost, to the deviants who have stuck with me then and even now, I am so sorry for letting you all down, and you have all my deepest gratitude. 

-zvrn (jhustinian)
  • Listening to: Inner Demons - Julia Brennan
  • Drinking: Water


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Artist | Hobbyist | Varied




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fotanimaciones Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like your style of drawing, you do me a drawing? please
ReenNeliel Featured By Owner May 28, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi i would like to comission. :)
mizuki-uwu Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2016
I can take one comission? ;-;
Daphne33 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2016  Hobbyist
love-love-love :fallinginlove: Yayoi Takatsuki + Mami Futami Emote - Hug Splendious gallery !!! Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (My kawaii plushie) [V6] :love: la in love Little Pixel Heart Your art is really beautiful ! Bear Emoji-08 (Rolling Love) [V1] Love Pink Heart Icon :lovesquee: Taiga Aisaka (Melt) [V1] Love in the Air Neko Emoji-42 - (Kawaii Admiring) [V3] .:Bunny love love:. Panda LOVE :love: rvmp 
sandertulk Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Great stuff in your gallery. Keep up the amazing work :)
zvrn Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow, thank you so much!:love:
Catgirldstr11 Featured By Owner May 16, 2015
Hi jhustinian! :iconmrs--hatake: and I miss you here! I hope you're loving your new job! I've tried to stay away from :facebook: during exams, but now I'm freeeee so I'll see you there! Also, we know you're super busy, but we didn't want to be rude and not personally invite you to the contest we're throwing:
$400 In Prizes Draw-Our-OCs Contest! NOW OPEN! by Catgirldstr11
Enigma-W Featured By Owner May 4, 2015
Wooow... I love you gallery ♥ 
Sajitarius Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Hello po, kababayan! Ang galing po ninyo magdrawing! My :la: is a square-FREE ICON 
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