Endless ApologiesI am not sure if I could start this with a 'hi' or a 'hello', because I think I no longer had to right to greet you so casually like that considering that I was gone for around 2-3 years with all these liabilities. Even so, I am truly grateful for everyone who have been so kind, understanding and patient with me even now.
More importantly, I know you guys might not accept any apologies from someone like me, but please know that there was never a day that I didn't think of how irresponsible I was becoming and had become, and I am deeply sorry for dragging you all guys down with me and disappointing all of you.
I would like to let you know that I recently got my laptop repaired, and though it's not flawless (it has never been) it is now working. Even so, for the last years that I was gone, I couldn't take art as seriously as before, in fact, just engaging myself with it just sends me deeper into my anxiety and self-hatred. I've tried to fight hard by creating some quick sketches but I just couldn't return to that zone. Even doodles at the side of my worksheets and notebooks has not existed in years. I sunk deeper and deeper into this as I pressure myself, and has called it quits. I decided that I would officially quit.
I honestly planned to update you guys much earlier, so many times I tried to do it but I could never muster up the courage. I get chills, and literally lose focus at work , get erratic palpitations and headaches, everytime I remember how much I've let you all guys down and for being gone without any word for all the money and commissions that I owe you.
I probably sound that I am just making excuses, but I am not asking you to completely forgive me (though that would be greatly appreciated) or accepting me or my 'excuses' as others might put it, because that's something I cannot force you to do. I just want to let you know everything that has happened. This is something that I know I owe you as well.
This week, I was given all that push that I need to post this. I made a small breakthrough and actually finish an artwork (and I struggled with it more than I struggled with a more complicated piece before), I can say that I finally enjoyed drawing something once in these past few years. And though I don't think I can face everything with a hard face and a much harder resolve, I would really want to fix everything with all that I have, how little it may be.
I am really very sorry for making you read this, I am so sorry for disappointing you and doing these to you. You didn't and don't deserve these at all. I would whole-heartedly accept all words you would throw at me, be it of hatred or another. I am so truly sorry for everything.
REFUNDS and OTHERS:
I haven't read the notes yet, it still honestly makes me quiver in anxiety but I'll go through it little by little. I would just like to humbly ask for and greatly appreciate a bit more of your patience and considerations.
I hope you guys could give me a month or two. I am expecting to get my Christmas bonus, and I plan to use that money to refund all the money I owe you. I know I am in no position to be making this arrangement but that's the only way I can refund you the money. And I am completely aware that it was very irresponsible of me to have done all these to you. I would again like to deeply apologize for that.
To my dear commissioners that I owe sketches from, who would like to take the risk of trusting me again, and would like to pursue getting an art from me instead, I can offer you an upgrade from sketches to digital art. I cannot promise the style but I would try my hardest to give you a fully colored piece.
I would prefer to be contacted through my email at email@example.com.
To everyone, to my friends and trusts that I may have lost, to the deviants who have stuck with me then and even now, I am so sorry for letting you all down, and you have all my deepest gratitude.